the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
