What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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