Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
