Screwed.edu
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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