Non-Jews are for practice
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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