I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
