he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
