I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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