The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
