i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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