I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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