If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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