I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
