dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
