is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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