she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
