Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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