she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
