I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
