Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize