I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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