Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
