brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
