dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
