My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
