Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
