I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
