I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
