Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
