watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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