exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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