You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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