I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
