I'm gonna have a badass scar
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
