if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
