I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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