so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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