I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
