the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
