were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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