Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
