Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
