she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
