I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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