I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
