WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
