I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
