So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this beer tastes like vomit already
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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