i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Boobs are out for the taking
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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