I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
