I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
