whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
