the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
