I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
