The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
