He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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