Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
