Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
