I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
