Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
