I can text with my tongue
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
