FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
