he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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