It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
