pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The feeling are messing with the penis
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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