Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize