The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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